A Few Inappropriate Words

by Fred

The best part about writing for my own website instead of for a newspaper is that I can publish the word cunt without asking permission (see image below). A buddy of mine writes a blog on the Topeka Capitol-Journal’s website. They deleted one of my comments when I wrote that I wanted to cut King Samir’s hair and rub it on my scrotum. Too violent for the Crap-Journal, I guess.

Most words are appropriate for The Fred Effect. I’m afraid I can’t offer a complete list of inappropriate words because there are so many inappropriate words that I don’t even know. By the way, I’d love to see some of them. I should start a forum page of inappropriate words that people might not have heard. Watch for that. For now, just drop a few in the comments, here. I will make sure to transfer them to the new forum for Inappropriate Words.

This is the perfect time of year to talk about inappropriate behavior because the political campaigns are in full bloom. The Kansas Governor’s race is hardly a contest; nevertheless, the candidates are still slapping the cat piss out of one another on the television.

Our televisions in Kansas still use silent film, of course.

Yes, that’s my drawing of Friedrich Nietzsche from back in August. I just shaved his mustache and fixed his tie. Made him talk, too. But they are actually two different guys in my fictional reality, here.

Obviously, the guy who slit the kid’s throat is going to win. This is Kansas, after all. We’re republicans. We like slitting throats and poisoning the air and teaching the Bible in Science class. By the way, Senator Brownback is a friend of mine. Not that I’m voting for him. He’s just a bro is all.

Lots of campaigns this year are bloodier than a UFC fight between two fat ticks. I thought the New York Governor candidates were going to duke it out last week. They still might. That would get the vote out, for sure!

There’s that former witch in Delaware who isn’t a witch anymore because she said she’s not a witch. She’s kinda hawt, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a witch. Stevie Nicks cast some kind of spell on Mick Fleetwood back in the ’70s when she sang “Rhiannon.” Made the boy leave his wife. Nothing wrong with being a hot witch, Christine, especially when you’re named after a haunted car.

The funniest part about this campaign is that the prez is still getting nailed for being a Muslim, communist, goat filcher, and he isn’t even running for anything. “What’s a goat filcher?” you ask. According to my younger brother, it’s a guy who cums in a goat’s ass and sucks it out with a straw.

See what I mean about inappropriate words you may never have heard before? I mean forget the old standards, jizz, twat, cock, pussy, and queef. Even cunt is a little old fashioned. Bring up some new ones. All contributors of inappropriate words retain full copyright to their submissions. We’re professionals, here.

In honor of the election year, I’m envisioning our own people’s choice election for the best submission. I guess, I’ll nominate “douche-canoe” from The Bloggess to get things rolling.

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