Get Rich Sitting on your Ass

by Fred

Just got an e-mail this morning that says that I, too, can make a living as a copywriter. I have received this same e-mail 1,467 times over the last four years. I have even read it. Twice. It should read, “You can make six figures writing spam.” Yep. They give you your own spam software with the six-hundred-dollar tuition fee.

Oh, but you can get a refund of “every penny” if you don’t like it in the first year. The word every really is underlined. Like they already know I’m going to pay with pennies. They know, too, that I’ll never send back the software even if I don’t like it. The subtext of the “we’ll refund every penny” line actually means, “You will never ask for a refund because you are so lazy that you actually believe that you can make six figures sitting on your dead ass.”

They are absolutely right, too. In fact, I’m so lazy that I neglected to photograph Toby’s testicles before Tessa had them chopped off this past Monday. I had a great blog post involving his testicles, but it’s too late, now. And I’m supposed to have enough gumption to write spam?

Speaking of testicles, I love it when pretty men like Arnold Schwarzenegger have a child so ugly it could make a freight train take a dirt road.

Don’t have a whole post for that joke. But I’m seriously considering having a vasectomy so it doesn’t happen to me.

Wonder if our vet would do it. Cheap. Hell, I’d do it myself with the right bottle of Scotch, a scissors, and a Swingline stapler.

The celebrity magazines I read are reporting that Arnold is seriously considering having himself killed in his next movie. Don’t blame him. DAMN!

Oh, and, Happy Father’s Day this weekend.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: