Ain’t nothing more refreshing than sticking your face in the downspout runoff from a July thunderstorm when your eyes are stinging with sweat. Not even Sierra Mist.
I’d like to find out whether losing thirty more pounds would be more refreshing. I’ve lost ten, and I’m stuck again. Haven’t come within ten feet of ice cream in over two months. Not even on the phone. But I’m still stuck.
I guess ice cream was worth ten pounds. Now I have to find the next thing that will throw off another ten. Let it not be beer, Lord. Please! Let it not be beer.
It’s beer. Idn’t it?
Why am I writing about losing weight, like a big fat queer? Because I’m just gay enough to notice that Ryan Reynolds’ belly made Tessa’s nipples erect while we watched The Proposal last week. I want to do that to her. I know I’m not in my thirties anymore, but the State of Kansas still considers me the same age. Ryan Reynolds would be in my age division this Saturday at the Sunflower State Games.
In fact, my favorite opponent is his age and is built quite a bit like him. If I have to fight guys like that, I had better be in the shape they’re in. Right?
And Tessa looks every bit as young as their wives. That’s the game.
In case you watched that video and wondered who is who, I’m the fat fucker in white. The guy in black looks exactly like Ryan Reynolds.
That’s why I work out ’til my eyes are burning from sweat. And it seemed last night as though God approved and took pity because a cool breeze came up and blew a downpour right over our house. Summer rain on the face. It even smelled brand new! Felt as though it washed off a few years.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
You’re not queer Shrek.
TessaLeFae recently posted..Sunny Crashes
I would be for you.
Of course it’s beer. The only way you’re going to do the nipple thing is with ice cubes.
Gorilla Bananas recently posted..Tarentino is a sucker
Your Tarantino post totally grossed me out. Very cool.
Ryan Reynolds is not of this earth.
I wanna fight ‘im.
Oh Fred, I don’t even know who Ryan Reynolds is. You are not fat. You’re sort of like a tree though, big. Honey, I hate to say this, but “It is the beer”. Switch to a dry white wine. Far fewer calories!
Linda Medrano recently posted..The Antique Opium Pipe And Me
Oh, but wine is so good with cheese and crackers. It’s a sin to leave them out of a wine.
You can try MGD 64 or Budweiser Select 55. Both are low in calories, but I warn you… you’re more likely going to get tired while you try to get a beer buzz. They have 2-3% ABV. You’ll probably just fall asleep and wet yourself. Vodka is good though. I’ve managed to turn your current exercise/weight loss post into, “Embracing Your Inner Alcoholic”. Tessa is absolutely correct. You’re not a freak. Besides… Ryan Reynolds is taken. He just doesn’t know where I’m taking him yet.
Angie H recently posted..News at 11: Men want a woman who will bring them a beer, be happy, and put out.
I’m a bourbon guy, and Diet Coke is fine with me. In fact, my favorite is bourbon/rocks. Trouble is, bourbon inhibits the part of your cerebral cortex that says, “Don’t eat ice cream.”
2 things:
1) It’s the beer. But you don’t have to give it uo. You just use it as a protein ersatz.
2) Smoke yourself thin. Sure, it kills you, but think quality vs quantity of life. And it’s easy to stop once you have reached your ideal weight.
This is tempting. I love cigarettes. Haven’t smoked since old George Bush was president.
anyone who has enough resolve to stay away from ice cream for two damn months is not a queer…you’re a freaking rock star.
elizabeth-flourishinprogress recently posted..Monday Dare: big boobs, big eyes, and quiet
[Rubbing your nipples with beer through my laptop.]
Sidney recently posted..Feta Fight
My nipples love you!
I remember this smack-in-the-head vid from a while back. Did you get this guy or what?
It’s worth it to lose the weight, when I go down even 5 lbs I feel it and it feels good. If you find yourself losing motivation just remember your Darwin; survival of the fittest! (the older one gets the truer that is)
If I Were God… recently posted..If natural selection began in the womb
Um…sorry, it’s the beer…try root beer instead…spoken like a true non beer drinker…Think of it this way, it’s for Tessa, no wait it’s for you…I’m so confused:)
Kim Wright (Pinkim) recently posted..Wordless Wednesday!
So if the consensus is that “it’s the beer,” and I need/want to drop some weight quickly, I should give up the beer? Done!
Oh, wait, I don’t drink beer. Bummer.
And stay away from my ice cream. I’ll cut you!
toni in florida recently posted..One FO deserves another
I give the kid money to ride his bike to the convenience store to get his own ice cream. It’s self-defense.
I don’t drink beer OR eat ice cream, and I still can’t get down to the weight I had in my twenties. Can we just relax and get old now?
Ryan Reynolds is attractive yes, in a very bland way. Also way too young for anyone who reads this blog. So there.
Andi Davies recently posted..McCalls 6328 — For the Supremely Confident
Guiness is actually one of the best beers you can drink for ya…. that and shots and running from the law will keep you fit. It does for me.
Steve Bailey recently posted..Part 2 …… The Split
Just wait ’til Green Lantern comes out on DVD.
I’m counting the moments.
TessaLeFae recently posted..Sunny Crashes
You’re gonna hate me for saying this, but I had ice cream three times this week (at least two scoops with hot fudge in each serving). And I haven’t gained an ounce. Why? Bootcamp Calorie Burn, courtesy of Kendell Hogan, my new video exercise boyfriend. Every morning, without fail, I jam out with him, sweat like a cow and that is how I can have ice cream for lunch. Drink your beer, just kill yourself with exercise. It’s the only way.
Junk Drawer Kathy recently posted..Really Bad Potato Chip Nursery Rhyme
just for the record, im flattered you think so, but I don’t look like reynolds when my shirts off..