What is Humor?

by Fred

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I don’t really know what humor is. All I know is that my favorite episode of “American Dad” is when they bought a race horse to make money, and they thought they had to jack it off every day. Then the horse developed mental problems because it was being molested, and it couldn’t race any more.

I’m not sure what the essence of humor is, but I suspect it has something to do with jacking off horses.

After all, Tessa posted this facebook status last Wednesday morning: “Capital letters are the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”

I was still laughing so hard an hour later that I almost dropped her when I was putting her in her power chair.

Why is jacking off horses so damn funny? Jacking off people isn’t all that funny. Jacking off people in a foreign language isn’t very funny either. Ben Stiller jacking off to the bra ads in Something About Mary is less humorous than the most serious episode of “Little House on the Prairie.” You know which episode I mean. The one where somebody’s house burns down and everybody helps rebuild it and stuff.

Except Nellie Oleson…………. The bitch.

Seriously. Nellie Oleson jacking off a horse is way funnier than Ben Stiller doing anything. If you think Ben Stiller is funnier than Nellie Oleson jacking off a horse, I will fight you.

That’s all I have to say about that.

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeff D'Antonio

I…ummm….uuuuhhhh….nope, I’ve got nothing. You’ve left me speechless. Which is weird, because I’m hardly ever speechless. But I’m pretty sure I’ll be laughing about Tessa’s facebook status for the rest of the day.

And as for that image of Nellie Olsen and the horse that’s now permanently seared into my brain? Yeah, thanks for that. I’ll send you the bill from my therapist.

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Fred

I tried to help by blurring out his wang. Horse wangs are pretty frightening.

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TessaLeFae

That look on her face, priceless. I still hate her from childhood. Hope she gets a money shot.

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Fred

That “money shot” could be worth as much as $150,000, depending on how many races that horse has won. Think anybody would ever pay that much for a man shot?

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Anonymous

What’s a money shot? Angela didn’know either.

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Fred

Hee-hee. It’s a pornography term for ejaculating on camera.

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Angela

Thanks, Fred. I really appreciate your efforts to help simplify my life there. Later today, when I go over to Mom and Dad’s, Mom is going to say, “Did you read Fred’s page? What is he talking about?” And Dad will go out on the patio to straighten up something out there. And I will say, “Ah, no, Mom, I didn’t read it yet today, I’ll have to look at it when I get home.” And there I will be, all going to hell and crap for lying to our Mom, and it’s your fault.

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Fred

Dad and Mom will understand all the animal husbandry semen collection stuff. It’s the “Little House on the Prairie” stuff that will baffle them. And that is a virtue in them.

I will make an effort to craft a truthful reply for you to give Mom and Dad. I don’t want you going to Hell or anything. Maybe others can help out.

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Gorilla Bananas

Mrs Oleson jacking off a horse would be funnier than Nellie doing it. Nellie was a nasty girl, so jacking off a horse is something she might acquire a taste for. As would sucking off a horse…

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Fred

You’ve given this some thought, G.B. And I find myself agreeing. And getting a little grossed out, too. Mrs. Oleson would sell the spooge in her husband’s store, too.

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Linda Medrano

I really don’t know what to say about this. And that’s a first for me.

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Angie

I’m with Tessa on this one. I hope she gets it in the eye.

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Tazer Warrior Princess

uh….. uh….. uh….. I don’t know what to say to this.

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toni in florida

Thanks for the slightly creeped-out gigglesnort!

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Andi

Tessa’s Facebook statement is funny. Actually jacking off a horse? Ewww for those of us who grew up on farms. Animal husbandry is just plain weird (and why is it called husbandry and not wifery?). My mom and stepdad raise alpacas and you do not want to have the experience of discussing the mating process with your mother….just….no.

I am unable to regard Nellie Olsen and Little House on the Prairie with anything other than horror after spending my childhood watching them. I’d be more upset on the horse’s behalf than hers.

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Bay-lee

I remember going to my friend Chets house for 4H and they had a stud horse and watched his dad FLUFF the horse to get him ready.I laughed at that. he looked over his shoulderand was not impressed with me.

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Chris@Knucklehead!

Something is incredibly wrong with my brain because somehow this whole post morphed in my head into something about Nellie Oleson jacking off Ben Stiller.

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