I Dressed Myself Today

by Fred

(Posted around Christmas time 2011)

I can and often do spend up to three days in the same clothes– not because of any depression or lack of ambition. Nope. I just forget. Tessa never says anything– even though I might be on my third day in my Jack Daniels pajamas.

But today, I actually put on jeans and a tank top. Like I was going to church or something. Hey, at least it’s a black tank top. I don’t actually go to church like this. I don’t have nearly enough tattoos to go to church in just a tank top. So, I stayed home.

I’m not joking. Before the Tattoo Age we currently live in, I could go to church in a tank top with a pliers in a leather holster on my belt and cow shit on my boots. Not a lot of cow shit. And always dry. If I had wet cow shit on my boots, I would change to some boots with dry cow shit. I hardly smelled at all.

But now everybody’s all clean and inked up at church. I don’t fit in. So I just stay home and listen to Archbishop Fulton Sheen on my iPod. Yes, I still use an iPod. You can get them for a song now. Sheen takes me back to a simpler time. Whoever posted the mp3s of Sheen’s sermons online used an old record player, and you can hear the scratches.

This morning, he was explaining why there were shepherds and wise men at the Nativity. One group were simple men who knew that they knew nothing. And the other group were wise men who knew they didn’t know everything. “Never the man with one book. Never the man who thinks that he knows.”

I’m pretty sure I will spend the next several days or weeks remembering that. It’s not exactly an intimation of divine joy. But it’s all I have capacity for anymore.

I asked Jesus what he thought of my diminishing faith. He goes, “Dude. You dressed yourself. That’s almost just about enough, sometimes.”

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

TessaLeFae

Dude.

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Linda Medrano

I love you Fred. I love you Tessa. Sometimes that’s the best you can do. Smartest words ever.

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Gorilla Bananas

Maybe you need to get a shepherd outfit for church. I’m not suggesting you’re not a wise man, I just don’t think there’s a contemporary form of dress that indicates you’re one.

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Jeff D'Antonio

I think I’ve pretty much resigned myself to not knowing, for now. My once blind faith was replaced by questions, and questions were answered with silence, and silence led to even more questions… So “I don’t know” is the best I can do, for now. The way I figure it, if there is a God, he’s okay with that – because he’s the one who gave me the free will and the intellect to ask those questions in the first place.

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Jeane

I wish I could give you and Tessa my beach. While there you don’t have to “know’,” it all just “is.” (why do I feel that “is” is going to prompt a what is “is” from you? Hmmm?) But really the beach…I wish I could give you it but for now I’ll just say…Jesus didn’t wear even wear “pants” and yet…

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Jeane

I wish I could give you and Tessa my beach. While there you don’t have to “know’,” it all just “is.” (why do I feel that “is” is going to prompt a what is “is” from you? Hmmm?) But really the beach…I wish I could give you it but for now I’ll just say…Jesus didn’t wear even wear “pants” and yet…

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If I were god...

Yes, there’s a god. You don’t see Him around anymore because he’s cheating on us. Can’t blame Him though, we’ve really let ourselves go to pot lately.

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Rene Foran

what if God was one of us?
just a $4.00 value slam at Denny’s eatin’ slob like one of us?

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Angie Uncovered

The God I believe in knows that each day I set out to do the best I can. He also knows that each day I will fail at one of my goals. He knows that I don’t always dress up for church. He knows I don’t always go to church. He loves me anyway.

Now I’m hungry for a $4 Value Slam. Dangit Rene!

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Rene Foran

Oh and thank you Fred, for such high praise! Ya shouldn’t have :)

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Wag the Dad

Dude, I don’t even go to church. And you go there with cow shit on your shoes. Wait. Cow shit. Where do you live?

Come to think of it, Austria has a multitude of people who go to church with cow shit on their shoes.

And I’ll bet Jesus and the disciples had lots of different kinds of shit on their sandals, no matter what anybody says.

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Fred

Exactly, Wag! That’s what the whole foot-washing thing was for! You go to church with clean feet, Jesus has nothing to do.

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karen somethingorother

pliers in a holster. I guess my comments suck, as I’m just quoting back what you said, but damn, that was funny. Interesting Hee-haw-esque image of church this gives me…

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Steve Bailey

Jack Daniels pajamas are perfect for any occasion!! Plus they mix well with Coca Cola slippers!

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Vanessa Worth

You dress well. Your outfit is perfect for you.

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Kat Wesley

I like you Fred. I like your guts.

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