A Puppy and a Gentleman

by Fred

Charlie and I have at least one thing in common: We are both possessed of our testicles. In order to keep mine, I endeavor to behave better. You know, drink less, be more polite, avoid pissing on the Christmas presents. Things like that.

Charlie is not following my lead. His pissing on the xmas gifts, I understand. I don’t approve, but I understand. It’s his aggression toward the other dogs that I find unsettling. Buddy, the cross-bred lab, will find Charlie swinging from his neck skin until Bud shakes him off. Then Charlie will turn to Toby and start on him.

It got really ugly today when made a dooty on Tessa’s bed while we went to the store. He shouldna did that! Tessa is already making arrangements for his castration. We say “castrate” in this house. There is no neutering. He will still be male. But he will just be less aggressive. And less testicular.

I’ve tried to warn him. I’ve told him that he might not have any offspring if he doesn’t mend his ways. But he’s just a kid. You can’t tell a kid anything. The only thing that seemed to get through was when I told him that I have castrated lots of other mammals. Without anaesthesia. Bet that’s why he didn’t poop on my bed.

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

TessaLeFae

He chewed Gabe’s penguin box too! He’s lucky he’s not in the oven.

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Spilling Ink

I tried warning my German shepherd about ramifications. Like he wasn’t aggressive or anything, he just loved them bitches and lost control of his mind regularly to his testicles.

I really tried warning him…

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Fred

Oh, I’m the same way. Lucky for us men, women have only one puppy at a time. Otherwise, they’d be castrating us, too.

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Gorilla Bananas

Maybe he’ll enjoy taking it up the ass when you’ve emasculated him. You could mention that to him to keep his morale up.

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Fred

As always, you’ve given me a lot to think about, G.B. I just want him to know we support whatever choice he makes. In this house, if you like it up the ass, we back you up!

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Daisy the Curly Cat

Oh, he will be must happier once he has been neutered because he won’t be so…. frustrated.

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Fred

Yeah. I promise we’ll use a real doctor and anaesthetics. Lost of post-op drugs, too. Like ice cream.

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Taran

Hmmm warm bed, good food, people who put up with my shit or my testicles…tough choice!
Thanks Fred, I needed the Fred Effect today!

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Fred

Charlie expects both, of course. Hope you are well, my friend.

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Angie Uncovered

I’ve tried threatening my pets before. They just stare at me with those big dumb eyes and I end up treating them like I would a simpleton. “Sigh… You’re an idiot aren’t you. Yep, I picked the runt and the idiot of the litter.”

I should have just castrated the last pup I had. He was calmer than the kids and nicer too… except his frequent desire to mark my stove. WTF? Why the stove?

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Linda Medrano

Getting rid of those pesky testicles is the way to go. We always adopt our pets, and the rule here is that they have to be neutered. Too many unwanted cats and dogs out there. Plus, they stop trying to mark and quit being as aggressive. It’s a good choice. This guy sounds like he’s interesting but troubled. Just like most women like their men.

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TessaLeFae

Honestly it has nothing to do with his behavior. I fell it is irresponsible to risk a chance of more homeless puppies. All are animals are relieved of that duty.

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Chris@Knucklehead!

What you need to do is cut off one nut the first go-round as an example.

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karen somethingorother

Oh brother. “Less Testicular.” Lurved it. I hope to never find poop on my bed, but you just never know.

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Steve Bailey

Castration?????? The worlds worst Christmas gift!!!!

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Ellen Howell

Your doing great Fred for keeping your own testicles.

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Kandice Zisk

Gentlemen must have good testicles.

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