We Don’t Say “Retarded” Anymore

by Fred

Now, we say “limited cognitive functioning.” I’m not going to say “intellectual disability.” You don’t get Aristotle and Aquinas jammed down your throat as much as we did and let someone get away with “intellectual disability.” Not without a fight.

Still. Might as well face it. I’m fucking retarded.

I’m watching Captain America. Got no idea what the fuck is going on. It’s like half over, and I still got no idea what’s going on.

I go to the kitchen to pour me a coffee. I pour half a cup right on my dick. Swear to God. I’m not fit to live.

I concentrate on the movie.

He’s like a super soldier. I get that.

It’s almost over. I think he’s still alive. He looks like all the others. Except for that stupid shield.

These Nazis keep chomping on cyanide in this movie. Where the hell do they get that stuff?

I hate being retarded.

I love Grover. You know what I mean. When Grover sees Kermit and says, “Hey, Froggy, Baby!” and comes running up and slugs the nuclear shit out of Kermit right on the back. I like that.

I can relate to that. Crap! I just used the word relate when I meant “understand.” I should be beaten with something made of iron.

I’m going to bed. But I’m going to pray first. Please, Lord, don’t let me wake up. Please let the dogs eat me in my sleep.

Thank you, Lord Jeezus, Amen.

I love you so much. Amen.

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Gorilla Bananas

“Relate” is fine. It means something more than just understanding, There’s empathy and approval in it as well.

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Fred

I’m being to hard on myself, aren’t I? Crap! I just said “aren’t I?”

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Rene Foran

I like pie.

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Fred

I can relate to that.

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TessaLeFae

I totally feel you Dude. Notice the clever avoidance of relate and understand. The movie ended like a true hero story should. Basically, if you don’t get screwed you aren’t a hero. He sacrificed, lost everything and didn’t get laid. The end. I think you can relate.
PS I’ll be your Grover.

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Fred

Thank God I didn’t watch it.

We’re watching “Sesame Street” next.

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karen somethingorother

Hilarious. What–you don’t like the bastardization of the language? I think it makes it colourful!

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Fred

It’s a Catholic school thing.

“The intellect is the non-material faculty of the soul and therefore non-susceptible to limitations of the flesh. Therefore it cannot become ill or even die. Any appearance of infirmity derives from the material faculties of the soul such as the five senses or memory which seem to be susceptible to infirmity. However, the intellect, being non-material cannot be corrupt.”

Or something like that.

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karen somethingorother

yeah, AS IF! Intellect likes a juicy new way to describe things.

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Angela

Grover is my favorite!

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Fred

Your kids had the best Grover puppet. We got so much fun out of that thing.

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Angie Uncovered

My least favorite recent PC term is differently-abled. We’re all fucking differently-abled. If we all did the same things with the same skill levels we’d either have no sports at all or we’d get no work done.

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Fred

Lots of cripples call themselves “cripples.” Or “gimps.” It amuses them.

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Steve Bailey

The whole captain america outfit is dumb! Dude sticks out like a sore thumb…. At least get a cammo shield?

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Fred

I was thinking that same thing. Tessa said they did that movie just to get ready to bring all the super heroes together in a big movie. Waste of time, we both think. But Tessa watched it anyway. She has amazing movie-watching powers.

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Linda Medrano

Don’t feel so bad, Fred. I’m a little emotionally, physically, and mentally challenged myself and it’s never held me back or gotten me eaten by dogs in my sleep. It won’t you either.

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Poppy

Tell it like it is, good call, dont dampen anything to be PC!

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Chris@Knucklehead!

Yeah, I totally get the “relate” vs. “understand.” My pet peeve is people who say “utilize.” “Use” is a perfectly fine word and doesn’t sound nearly as presumptuous.

Crap, I said “presumptuous.”

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Amin

16a142351caDefinitely believe that which you sttead. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people think about worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks 187

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Jeane

And then you get to wake in the morning and do it all over again. But then again it just might all be brilliant. Maybe skip Captain America but never Grover!

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Anna Childs

I like puppet so I love the video.

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John wunder

Commonly I don’t read through publish in blogs, having said that i need to state that this particular write-up very pushed myself to view plus do it! Your current writing preference have been stunned my family. Appreciate it, fairly wonderful submit.

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