Mad Friends

Never Kill your Dog in Anger

January 4, 2012

Charlie has been chewing up iPod ear buds at the rate of about three pair per week. Tessa has ordered a new six-pack of ear buds that is being delivered by a lame panda from south China, so they haven’t arrived yet. That is why Charlie had to attack my awesome JVC headphones that I [...]

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Ask Uncle Fred

December 21, 2011

It’s time to lauch a new feature on The Fred Effect. This is the first installment of the “Ask Uncle Fred” series. I am the perfect person to write this series because I am not a father. A real father will never be honest with a difficult question from his child. Kid goes, “Am I [...]

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Nothing Like that Fourth Sam Adams in the Morning

December 4, 2011

I think it’s time for a serious column about life. Everybody knows there’s nothing funny about drinking before noon. Hence, my serious title. First of all, I’m thoroughly disgusted with myself. It’s not my fault. It’s just that I’m getting old. I didn’t fight at the karate match yesterday. Because–I admit it–I’m an industrial-strength pussy. [...]

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Tessa is a Dick

December 1, 2011

She thought she could get away not telling me yesterday was Wednesday. Usually, I have my blog written two or three days ahead of time, but sometimes I let it go until the day of. And when you sleep with your editor, it works out. I suspect she was practicing a Jedi mind trick to [...]

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Don’t Read This, nor My Archives

September 28, 2011

The erotic and sensuous Angie has nominated me to share seven links from my archived posts and to nominate seven other bloggers that I think people should see. Problem is, my best posts drag up the dirty parts of the Bible– guys banging their sisters and stuff. And hateful shit like smashing Babylonian babies’ skulls. [...]

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Burp and Taste it!

September 4, 2011

Some of us were a little shaken up by my post this past Wednesday. I know I was. Nellie Oleson giving a horse the old knuckle shuffle grossed me out a little. That’s why today I am posting something about children. Today’s cartoon could possibly restore our faith that innocence and beauty still exist in [...]

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“I Hate You So Much, Right Now!”

August 17, 2011

The adverbial phrase, right now, covers a multitude of sins. I invoke it fairly often. Like when some friend sends me that e-mail that says verse 9:11 in the Qur’an contains some cryptic message about how the U.S. was prophesied to kick nine colors of shit out of the children of Mohammed or something. That’s [...]

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Pay Attention in School!

August 10, 2011

This is the official announcement of the winner of the contest that I hatched and executed without buildup or fanfare on Sunday. The contest was to identify the guitar riff the kid was playing in my cartoon and to explain the irony of playing that particular riff while he wizzed on the toilet seat and [...]

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