Music

You All Ought to be Ashamed of Your Damn Selves

I seriously thought this video would be more disturbing than it was. My drunken brother and I thought it was disturbing– and we used to throw cats at each other. Not much bothers us. I posted this on facebook, and the comments are all sweet and mild, like, “What software is that?” I guess facebook [...]

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Online Piracy is Sexy

[This was originally published January 18, 2012 when most blogs went black in protest of the Stop Online Piracy Act. I'm not much on protesting. Whenever they tell me not to do something, I just go ahead on anyway.] I stole that line from Jenny, my adopted blogging godmother even though I’m older than she. [...]

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Not Enough Cuss Words

Words can not express my rage when the green stuff comes up in the suction hose. I change the three-month furnace filter every two months. I sterilize the tracheotomy tube every fucking day. I slather 60% alcohol lotion on my hands when I handle the respiratory equipment. Yet she is sick again. The second time [...]

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Hi Infidelity

Yes, that is the title of REO Speedwagon’s greatest album. If you don’t agree, I will fight you. I’m interested in sexual/marital infidelity. It has given us the greatest music, fiction, sculpture, painting, and hygiene products in human history. Click here to download a free audio recording of this post. I’m full of guilt. Not [...]

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Heaven

NASA tells me that the Earth has spun 3600 complete revolutions since I unpacked my pickup and ordered checks with Tessa’s address on them. Not sure I believe NASA. Thirty-six hundred spins? Ten years? I’m still using that same box of checks. Looking at my side of the closet, I can see the same clothes [...]

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A Democrat Made Me Do It

I’m voting for Rick Perry if he’s still in the presidential race a year from now. I have to say that, otherwise my family will lynch me for this video. Because they love me. But I really am definitely, probably voting for Perry. Maybe. Click here to download a free audio recording of this post. [...]

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My Sister May Have Killed Stephen Hawking

My sister may have killed Stephen Hawking. I’m not sure. I woke up before the dream was over. She was driving the bus like a maniac. We went around a corner on two wheels and Professor Hawking was lying on the top bunk. He would have gone flying off into the weeds if I hadn’t [...]

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I Am No Longer a Dumbass

It’s official. I am no longer a dumbass, for now. The Fred Effect is now available as a podcast on iTunes. This is only a temporary remission of my dumbassitis. In fact, it may eventually exacerbate my condition. Apple Corporation issues warnings about that. My acute dumbassitis supervened about a year ago when I made [...]

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Pay Attention in School!

This is the official announcement of the winner of the contest that I hatched and executed without buildup or fanfare on Sunday. The contest was to identify the guitar riff the kid was playing in my cartoon and to explain the irony of playing that particular riff while he wizzed on the toilet seat and [...]

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The Reluctant Cat is Back and Not Happy About It

It is definitely time for another animated cartoon conceived and produced right here in The Fred Effect studios. Yes, there are more than one studio. There is the drawing studio, and then there are at least three sound stages if you include the bathroom where I recorded half of these sound effects. I had to [...]

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I can piss off a Metallica fan with only three words

I will hear a Godsmack song on the radio, and I’ll go, “Is this Metallica?” Then Tessa gets all severe with me. I used to do it with Nickelback, too, but I know all the Nickelback songs now. Puddle of Mudd still works. I know only one of their songs: “She Fuckin’ Hates Me.” Click [...]

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In the Thrall of Tessa Le Fae

This past Wednesday, I wrote about my neurosis that I can’t be away from Tessa. I think it’s contagious. I got it from Sunny. Sunny is Tessa’s golden retriever. Click here to download a free audio recording of this post. Tessa was about two seconds pregnant with Sean fourteen years ago when somebody dropped a [...]

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Onions and Fabric Softener

We live in one of those neighborhoods that smell like wild onions and fabric softener.You know what I mean. If you don’t, then you live a life more sheltered than I care to think about. This neighborhood smells like charcoal and poor people. Click here to download a free audio recording of this post. Actually [...]

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Real Irishness

I’ve received a few e-mails asking about Graham Thacker. “When’s he coming back?” Stuff like that. I’m not quite sure. Yes, he finished his job in New Guinea, and he’s back at home in England. But I’m not sure that I want to let him loose on my website again. Click here to download a [...]

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Tessa’s Valentine

I think Tessa will like her Valentine video. This video features ZZ Top’s “Rough Boy.” It’s pretty rough– as it should be. At first, I was going to use only images of her and me. But Tessa has so many rough boys in her life that I included as many as I could find. We [...]

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