Music

Online Piracy is Sexy

January 18, 2012

I stole that line from Jenny, my adopted blogging godmother even though I’m older than she. I’m actually rebelling against her because she says that online piracy is not sexy. I’m just proving her wrong like any male child would do. I still love her unconditionally even though she didn’t ask me to be her [...]

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Not Enough Cuss Words

November 13, 2011

Words can not express my rage when the green stuff comes up in the suction hose. I change the three-month furnace filter every two months. I sterilize the tracheotomy tube every fucking day. I slather 60% alcohol lotion on my hands when I handle the respiratory equipment. Yet she is sick again. The second time [...]

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Hi Infidelity

November 9, 2011

Yes, that is the title of REO Speedwagon’s greatest album. If you don’t agree, I will fight you. I’m interested in sexual/marital infidelity. It has given us the greatest music, fiction, sculpture, painting, and hygiene products in human history. Click here to download a free audio recording of this post. I’m full of guilt. Not [...]

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Heaven

October 19, 2011

NASA tells me that the Earth has spun 3600 complete revolutions since I unpacked my pickup and ordered checks with Tessa’s address on them. Not sure I believe NASA. Thirty-six hundred spins? Ten years? I’m still using that same box of checks. Looking at my side of the closet, I can see the same clothes [...]

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A Democrat Made Me Do It

October 2, 2011

I’m voting for Rick Perry if he’s still in the presidential race a year from now. I have to say that, otherwise my family will lynch me for this video. Because they love me. But I really am definitely, probably voting for Perry. Maybe. Click here to download a free audio recording of this post. [...]

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My Sister May Have Killed Stephen Hawking

August 28, 2011

My sister may have killed Stephen Hawking. I’m not sure. I woke up before the dream was over. She was driving the bus like a maniac. We went around a corner on two wheels and Professor Hawking was lying on the top bunk. He would have gone flying off into the weeds if I hadn’t [...]

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I Am No Longer a Dumbass

August 21, 2011

It’s official. I am no longer a dumbass, for now. The Fred Effect is now available as a podcast on iTunes. This is only a temporary remission of my dumbassitis. In fact, it may eventually exacerbate my condition. Apple Corporation issues warnings about that. My acute dumbassitis supervened about a year ago when I made [...]

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Pay Attention in School!

August 10, 2011

This is the official announcement of the winner of the contest that I hatched and executed without buildup or fanfare on Sunday. The contest was to identify the guitar riff the kid was playing in my cartoon and to explain the irony of playing that particular riff while he wizzed on the toilet seat and [...]

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