What’s Cool and What Sucks

Four hundred forty-nine years ago today, Shakespeare was baptized in his home parish at Stratford-upon-Avon. English professors the world over have deduced that he must have been born before that. They are clever like that. So, sometimes his birthday is celebrated on, like, April 23 or something. “To Be or Not To Be”Performed by Beavis […]

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A Painful Brain Movement

I made this cartoon because I expect people to love me and never criticize me. First of all, I ask God’s blessings on all of Christianity. And Roman Catholicism in particular. Perhaps, now that the election is over, I stand guilty of beating a dead horse by picking on the Cardinal in New York and […]

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Seriously, Don’t Laugh

Better yet, go ahead and laugh. It’s just another way of experiencing sadness. My doctor and Tessa have both kind of diagnosed me with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). All it means is that shortened daylight hours make you a bigger prick than normal. Tessa has ordered a lamp that gives off some kind of natural […]

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Tessa Turns Forty-two

When God makes a little baby in its mommy’s tummy, He has a guardian angel typing the baby’s DNA real fast like a crazy little motherfucker. Sometimes the guardian angel makes a typographical error in the DNA and the baby is born with an extra-long neck or something. If the baby is a cow, it […]

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What the F*#%, Indeed!

Howard Stern made his millions by tapping into the id of his listeners. He speaks his listeners’ thoughts: “I hate Kathie Lee Gifford’s guts, but I’d sure like to make love to her.” That kind of thing. “Personally, morally, I’m opposed to abortions, but there ought to be more of them.” See what I mean? […]

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You All Ought to be Ashamed of Your Damn Selves

I seriously thought this video would be more disturbing than it was. My drunken brother and I thought it was disturbing– and we used to throw cats at each other. Not much bothers us. I posted this on facebook, and the comments are all sweet and mild, like, “What software is that?” I guess facebook […]

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One Reason Obama Will Win a Second Term

I put off blogging about this when it was news a month ago because I’m so ashamed that I’m writing about politics. There’s nothing wrong with writing about politics. But I just wish I were funny enough to write a humor blog from scratch. I’m not. I need the politicians to be funny for me. […]

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The Election is Officially a Comedy

If you want to write a comedy these days, it’s a good idea to use four guys and make sure at least one of them is fat. We love fat guys. I don’t need to explain much more. Just look at these pics. Okay, Grownups has five guys. But Chris Rock is actually the wife […]

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Showing Off

NOTE FROM FREDI wasn’t going to post today. Not that I’m depressed or anything. I’m just busy thinking. I can’t write when I’m thinking. Anyway, I’m introducing a new author on The Fred Effect today. The article below is written by Brian. Our entire hometown has called him Hoot for over thirty years. But I […]

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Help! Help! I’m Being Repressed!

As a Roman Catholic, I am mortally offended that my Blue Cross policy covers breast reconstruction in the event that Jesus takes one or both of my breasts with cancer. This sexist, over-reaching policy is repressive to my religious belief that my breasts are naughty. The next president had better stop this assault on my […]

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Prez Offers Gov. Brewer Some Comfort Food

I ought to be kicked right square in the onions for going so political these days. It’s too easy. I promise someday I will get back to real humor. Today’s video was intended to be just a snapshot with speech ballons, but it took only a couple of hours to voice and animate this. And […]

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The Rest of the Story Problem

Between the story problems in Sean’s algebra homework this week and the South Carolina primary yesterday, I ended up having the following dream last night: Mitt Romney’s weight is a three-digit number, the sum of whose digits equals nine. The second digit is three times the third digit, and the third digit is twice the […]

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Online Piracy is Sexy

[This was originally published January 18, 2012 when most blogs went black in protest of the Stop Online Piracy Act. I'm not much on protesting. Whenever they tell me not to do something, I just go ahead on anyway.] I stole that line from Jenny, my adopted blogging godmother even though I’m older than she. […]

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We Don’t Say “Retarded” Anymore

Now, we say “limited cognitive functioning.” I’m not going to say “intellectual disability.” You don’t get Aristotle and Aquinas jammed down your throat as much as we did and let someone get away with “intellectual disability.” Not without a fight. Still. Might as well face it. I’m fucking retarded. I’m watching Captain America. Got no […]

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The Truth About Fiction

This is not a fiction blog. I don’t even consider myself a fiction writer, even though I’ve written four novels. Maybe five. Depends on what you call a novel. If a novel is a book that makes people cry, then I know I’ve written one. It’s titled Who Made You?. Stole the title from an […]

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