Q: Who records your mp3s?

A: Richard Pryor! Whodafuck ya think?

Q: Why do you profane The Lord’s Prayer by posting it on your filthy, disgusting site?

A: Shut up and clean the fucking house!

Q: Who the hell do you think you are?

A: That’s not a really a question.

Q: Do you have any naked pictures of your girlfriend?

A: No.

Q: Want some?

A: ! ! !

Q: Why don’t you have a blogroll?

A: I do. It’s under the tab, “Fred-tested Blogs”.

Q: Have you ever lectured to a college classroom with dooty in your pants?

A: Yes, and with blood running down my arm.

Q: Are you pro-life?

A: Isn’t everybody, I mean, in some way or other?

Q: O.J. Simpson: Innocent or guilty?

A: Not very.

Q: Ever bang one of your students?

A: No.

Q: Truth?

A: No.

Q: Is it, “I could care less” or “I couldn’t care less”?

A: It’s just a figure of speech called a leitote. I’m not going to bust anybody’s onions over which is correct. For the record, it’s “I couldn’t care less.” But if somebody wants to say, “I could care less,” I couldn’t care less.

Q: What’s wrong with Tessa?

A: Nothing.

Q: I mean, why does she use a trach tube and a power chair?

A: Oh. Why didn’t you say so? She has muscular dystrophy. Idn’t she cute?

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }


Hi kiddo. Just wanted to let you know I added you to my blogroll.


Linda Medrano

Fred, I’m thinking of you and Tessa. Is she doing okay?




Thanks for asking, Linda. She needs antibiotics right now. Her immune system is actually better than mine, but we were in a virus soup on Sunday. We both have sore throats and colds. It’s good to know you’re thinking about us.


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