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Al Franken is a Horse-toothed Jackass

I don’t know the junior senator from Minnesota, so I have no idea whether the title of this post is a true statement. I mean the jackass part. He’s obviously got a hell of a grill on him. That’s not a well-reasoned insight. I know legally blind guys who can see Al’s tusks. I’m not sure whether he’s a jackass, though. I’m just hoping to catch some search engine action by using old Buckey’s name. I’m not really sure why I picked old Butter Paddles. There are lots of people more famous than he.

Oh, well. Better get on with some other well-reasoned insights. Things like how Andy Rooney is always noticing things. I’ve noticed it too. Has anyone noticed that Andy Rooney is still alive? Well. I did.

Time to switch to a Republican now. Dick Cheney is always good. Anyone who can make the news by telling Vermont Senator Pat Leahy, “Go fuck yourself, Pat,” should be included in an essay about observations about famous people and the observations they make. And, of course, he’s walking around with the name “Dick”. Who has the balls for that anymore? Maybe that’s what put him in a wheel chair. Balls were too big to carry anymore.

Hmmm. Let’s see. Need another Republican. Senator Sam Brownback isn’t funny. Senator Larry Craig. There’s a good one. Old Thumper in the bathroom stall. Old “Happy Feet.” He’s so NOT gay that he called several press conferences to make sure that we know he’s NOT gay. Or whatever the hell he said in those appearances.

I’d pick on a Libertarian if I could think of any. It’s hard to remember people who are as against themselves as Libertarian candidates are. They want a role in government in order to make sure that government has less of a role in government. Right. And when I’m trying to seduce a woman to have sex, I always mention that, if she will have sex with me, then we will have less sex because she had it with me and not with that other guy. That’s what voters want. Honesty.

Green Party? Ralph Nader? Ever notice that his name means the “lowest point” when it’s spelled nadir? It’s fact. I love ole Ralph. He kept Al Gore from becoming president in 2000. Most people forget that Al asked Ralph to drop out and endorse him. Ralph sort of told Al to go Leahy himself. Ralph claimed had to work harder for each of his three hundred thousand votes than Al had to work for each of his fifty-nine million votes. May God bless and keep Ralph Nader.

There’s another party out there somewhere, but I can’t remember its name. I think their main plank is that our political process needs a five-party system. They just can’t wait to follow a president who got elected with twenty-one percent of the vote. Think about it. We’ll wait………………………………..


……………………………….. Get it yet? We gotta move along.

I ought to close this essay with Al Franken since I blatantly used him for self-promotion. But I honestly don’t know what he’s done since Saturday Night Live. I haven’t watched that show since Eddie Murphy was on it. No lie, there. I just know that Al Franken is a comedian. Former comedian. He’s now a senator. There hasn’t been a comedian senator since Bob Dole, and there will never be another.

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