F A Q

Q: Who records your mp3s?

A: Richard Pryor! Whodafuck ya think?

Q: Why do you profane The Lord’s Prayer by posting it on your filthy, disgusting site?

A: Shut up and clean the fucking house!

Q: Who the hell do you think you are?

A: That’s not a really a question.

Q: Do you have any naked pictures of your girlfriend?

A: No.

Q: Want some?

A: ! ! !

Q: Why don’t you have a blogroll?

A: I do. It’s under the tab, “Fred-tested Blogs”.

Q: Have you ever lectured to a college classroom with dooty in your pants?

A: Yes, and with blood running down my arm.

Q: Are you pro-life?

A: Isn’t everybody, I mean, in some way or other?

Q: O.J. Simpson: Innocent or guilty?

A: Not very.

Q: Ever bang one of your students?

A: No.

Q: Truth?

A: No.

Q: Is it, “I could care less” or “I couldn’t care less”?

A: It’s just a figure of speech called a leitote. I’m not going to bust anybody’s onions over which is correct. For the record, it’s “I couldn’t care less.” But if somebody wants to say, “I could care less,” I couldn’t care less.

Q: What’s wrong with Tessa?

A: Nothing.

Q: I mean, why does she use a trach tube and a power chair?

A: Oh. Why didn’t you say so? She has muscular dystrophy. Idn’t she cute?

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